


Here Lie My Senses

by cathybites



Category: due South
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 10:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/187722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathybites/pseuds/cathybites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the <span><a href="http://getfraserlaid.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://getfraserlaid.livejournal.com/"><b>getfraserlaid</b></a></span> challenge. prompt #32: <i>Fraser/Kowalski - "We've had sex on every surface in your apartment. Perhaps we could try the bed this time?"</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Here Lie My Senses

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to [](http://kitchendinah.livejournal.com/profile)[**kitchendinah**](http://kitchendinah.livejournal.com/) for her beta services.

Ray has Fraser backed up against the fridge, jeans around his ankles, cock just barely pushing past Ray's lips when Fraser says, "Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray!"

It doesn't register at first because, hi, dick in his mouth. He's a little busy concentrating on that. Not to mention - because Ray really isn't one to gloat. Ever. - that it's kind of expected to hear Fraser yelling out his name when Ray's sucking him off, along with a few 'oh my God's and a couple of 'please now please's and, just the one time (not that Ray hasn't been trying like hell to get Fraser to repeat it because, holy shit, that had been hot), a hissed-out 'fuuuck'.

But it's the different sort of tone to Fraser's voice that finally gets Ray's attention, one that says 'Ray, would you please be so kind as to remove your mouth from my penis and listen to what I have to say?' rather than 'Ray, would you please be so kind as to make me come six ways from Sunday and then bend me over the sofa and have your way with me?' Ray grunts a little in annoyance and with one last 'I'll be right back' swipe of his tongue, looks up at Fraser. "What?"

Fraser's mouth is hanging wide open and the glassy-eyed look on his face tells Ray that it hadn't been his technique that made Fraser stop him. And, God, what a fucking picture he makes just standing there, shirt rucked halfway up his ribcage, chest all a-heaving while he stares down at Ray, reaching out to card his fingers through Ray's hair. _Nobody gets to see him like this_ , Ray thinks, a fierce surge of emotion rising up in him, _nobody but me_ , and he leans back in to take Fraser's dick in his mouth.

"No, Ray, please, just a moment," Fraser says, pushing against Ray's forehead, and Ray growls and shakes Fraser's hand off, sits back on his heels and crosses his arms over his chest as he glares at Fraser.

"What is it, Fraser?"

And there goes Fraser’s thumb over his eyebrow and the crick of his neck, which takes some of the piss out of Ray’s vinegar because clearly something's bothering Fraser, something big and important, if Fraser's nervous enough about it to hold off one of Ray's blowjobs. "What is it?" he asks again, but softer this time, reaching out one hand to rub gently at Fraser's hip.

Fraser flushes and glances away, an almost guilty look on his face, and Ray wonders - panics, really – if Fraser is going to call the whole thing off. If maybe there was something wrong with Ray's technique or - and this is a far more likely reason - with Ray himself. Was he too clingy? Was he not clingy enough? Was it the whole gag reflex thing, because Ray was working on that, he was. It's just that ever since he was a kid, he had this thing, purely psychological, and it takes time -- and in three seconds flat, Ray knows - he _knows_ \- that Fraser is trying to dump him.

 _Thank you kindly for the fellatio, Ray, but I feel it prudent for us to blah blah blah._

The muscle under his hand twitches and Ray realizes that not only does he have a death grip on Fraser's hip, but that Fraser has already said his piece while Ray was psyching himself out, and is now waiting for an answer.

Ray blinks and shakes his head. "No!" No way, no how, and not without a fight is Ray going to give up on this...whatever it is between them. Sure, they've only been fucking for two weeks now, but when all the time spent as partners gets added in (because, _Jesus_ , why didn't anyone tell Ray that they were practically married to one another already?), along with the whole Hand of Franklin misadventure, this has been the longest non-Stella relationship Ray's been in.

A look of disappointment crosses Fraser's face and, geez, was he that desperate to get Ray out of his life? That hurts so much Ray can hardly breathe. "I understand that you have some reluctance to the idea," Fraser says, the frown on his face deepening, "although I can't begin to understand why--"

"You got me on my knees here and you gotta ask why?" Ray asks, feeling the irritation swell up inside him again. "You think I do this for just anybody?" He flails around a little in frustration, which probably looks a little ridiculous, but then again, he's not the one with his half-hard dick hanging out in the kitchen.

That gets him a bewildered look from Fraser, who actually looks around like maybe Ray's got a whole group of men stashed away in a cupboard or something, waiting for Fraser to leave so Ray can blow all of them. "I-- well, no, Ray," and there goes that thumb to the eyebrow again. How Fraser doesn't have a bald spot in his eyebrows, Ray doesn’t know. "I certainly didn't mean to imply anything by it. I just felt that at this stage in our...our relationship that such a thing would be, well, I don't want to say normal, exactly, but expected, perhaps..."

"Expected?" A break up is expected?

"Granted, my, er, previous experience with this sort of thing is rather limited, but..." Fraser has the full-on blush going on now and his voice trails off as he looks at everything in the kitchen but Ray.

There's an itch in the back of Ray's mind, the little buzzing he gets sometimes when his instincts say, 'Whoa, hey! Hold up a minute and let's take another look at this.' Ray knows that Fraser has had some fucked-up relationships (well, just the one that he knows of, but that one was a fucking doozy,) and, fine, maybe Fraser's a little gunshy about the whole commitment thing, but Ray's starting to think maybe that's not what Fraser is getting at.

"What are you getting at, Fraser?"

And _that_ gets him a sharp look from Fraser, one that Ray knows to mean, 'Could you please pay attention for just five seconds, Ray?' and pretty much confirms that Ray had been steering down the wrong track.

"You haven't the slightest idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

Caught, and Ray figures he has two options here: continue with what he had going and look like an ass, or tell Fraser what he had _thought_ Fraser was talking about and look like an ass.

He thinks about it for a moment and goes with option three.

"Curling?"

Fraser rolls his eyes and sighs, but the corner of his mouth is twitching, so Ray knows he's in the clear. "Really, Ray--" but that's as far as he gets because Ray takes the opportunity to lean forward and lick along Fraser's hipbone, down the ridge of muscle pointing straight to Fraser's dick, and then sucks a the base. Fraser gasps and does a little hip shimmy and, really, it's almost ridiculous how easy Fraser is.

Almost ridiculous, but mostly really, really ridiculously hot.

But sometimes, like when he's about to get a mouthful of hot Mountie cock, Ray forgets what Fraser is like when he gets an idea in his head. Just can't stop thinking about it until it's all done and settled. One second Ray is mouthing his way up Fraser's cock, and the next he's tonguing nothing but air.

"Ray, please, it's just a small request. Silly, really, but I just...that is, I was hoping, ah." Fraser's voice is insistent and a little strained, but also a little nervous. Fraser, who jumps off buildings and licks garbage and generally runs through life in this haphazard and fearless way that drives Ray nine shades of crazy, is _afraid_ of making this request. No, Ray immediately amends, Fraser is afraid that Ray will say no, which is such a stupid idea that Ray has to choke back the laugh. Since when has Ray ever been able to say no to Fraser?

He plays it cool, though, and raises one eyebrow, head tilting to the side as he looks up at Fraser. "C'mon, spit it out. What, you want to tie me up, make me wear lingerie, something kinky like that?"

Ray feels ridiculously pleased with himself at the expression that comes over Fraser's face, like somebody had just smacked him in the head with...Ray doesn't even know, a dead otter or something. Or maybe, he thinks, watching Fraser's eyes go nearly black as he licks his lips, like a sexy otter...no, forget that. Ray did _not_ just think that.

"Actually," Fraser says, interrupting all thoughts about otters. His voice is so thick and deep that it almost feels like, if he had a mind to, he could bend Ray over and fuck him with just his words, even from two feet up. And, wow, Ray hadn't thought that he could get any harder, but, hey, turns out he'd been wrong, "I was hoping we could move into the bedroom."

Ray blinks and stares up at Fraser, not sure he heard that right. _That_ is the kinky shit Fraser wants to try?

" _That's_ what you want?" It really is a simple request, a very simple and very vanilla request, and Ray's a little surprised that they haven't done so already. But when he pictures it, him and Fraser having sex in his _bed_...something about it makes Ray's heart stutter and freeze.

"Well, Ray," and Fraser is back to sounding unsure, although there's a bit of pissiness mixed in there, which is good. Ray likes pissy Fraser. Pissy Fraser snarls and snaps and holds Ray's wrists still with one hand while he fucks him. Pissy Fraser _seriously_ turns Ray's crank. "As I'd said before, one would assume that at some point in a...a relationship such as ours, the bed would be the primary destination."

"Primary destination, huh?" Ray guesses that makes sense, but...he doesn't even know. Pinching the bridge of his nose and scrunching his eyes shut tight, he gets to his feet.

"It's just that," and the uncertainty is in full-force in Fraser's voice, and Ray _hates_ that he put it there, "we've used nearly every surface in your apartment and that, as you would say, is ‘greatness’." Ray glances up quickly to see Fraser give him a small smile, one he has to return. "But..." Fraser pauses, looking away again and audibly swallowing. Then he glances up and, sounding surer by the second, continues, "there are so many things I want to do that would be facilitated greatly by the use of a bed." He quickly steps forward and hooks a finger into Ray's waistband to yank him closer.

Shit. There's just no arguing with that, as far as Ray's dick is concerned. But his heart is still pounding and he has to swallow several times to chase away the dryness in his mouth. He wants to say, 'Yeah, fuck yeah, that's the best idea ever,' but he can't.

Fraser leans in a little and then, abruptly, steps back, eyes searching Ray's face. "Is something the matter?" he asks. His eyebrow twitches, like he's two seconds away from rubbing it, and Ray reaches out to grab his arms.

"No. It's just..." And Ray has to close his eyes and take a deep breath. "Y'see, in the divorce, Stella got most of our furniture and stuff, 'cuz she picked most of it out and what would I do with a $5000 couch anyways?" He opened his eyes to see Fraser nodding his head. Patting Fraser's arms as he let go of them, Ray pivoted and walked out into the living room. He needed room, needed some space to be able to say this because it was so _lame_ but he had to explain it to Fraser.

"So she gets all of the ritzy stuff, but we still had some stuff from when we first moved in together, cheap furniture that was mostly no good and should've been tossed a long time ago. But our...our first bed...." Ray stops moving and scrubs a hand over his face. "It was like, if I could have something from then, just one reminder of how good it used to be, y'know? Then maybe everything would be okay." He turns and Fraser is right there, looking at Ray with this expression that sets his hackles up at first until he realizes it's not pity. It's...something else, something warmer and kinder and just a little sadder.

"I understand, Ray," he says, settling his hands onto Ray's shoulders, squeezing gently. Ray ducks his head and nods, noting rather absently that at some point Fraser had tucked himself away and zipped up. Then, as he's staring at Fraser's crotch and starting to wonder when he's going to get the chance to get his hands on it again, it backs away and he looks up to see Fraser grabbing his jacket.

"What the fuck?" Ray yells. Fraser jumps and turns around, a startled look on his face. Getting to his feet, Ray takes a step towards him, before pausing, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "Shit, I didn't mean I wanted you to leave. It's just that this--" Ray waves his arms around "--this is a big deal, y'know?"

Fraser licks his lips and nods, his expression one of earnest understanding, one that Ray knows means he doesn't get it at all. Ray stomps over to Fraser and grabs his arms, squeezing his fingers into the meat of Fraser's muscles before loosening his grip, hands sliding down to twine with Fraser's. "The bed's kind of sacred, okay? It's where Stella and I started out and...fuck. I'm fucking this up."

He pauses to take a breath, glancing up at Fraser, who has the blank Mountie face going on full-force. Ray knows hearing this can't be much fun for Fraser, especially when Ray can't make the right words come out, but he needs to _know_ all this, just so he can understand what's going on in Ray's head.

"Doing it in the bed makes all this--" Ray waves his hands between him and Fraser "--real. Like, really real." Fraser's left eyebrow quirks up at that, so before he can say anything, Ray slaps a finger over his lips. He doesn't need Fraser interrupting this. "No, I know it's _real_. My dick can vouch for that, but--"

Fraser's face is bright red as he shakes Ray's fingers off. "Ray, Ray, Ray," he says, a little more exasperated, but no less fond than usual. "If I understand correctly, you fear that if we were to--" and Fraser falters a bit, licking his lip before continuing "--ah, 'do it' in your former marital bed, then...it could be construed as consummation of our relationship?"

Ray blinks, running the words through his Fraser-to-English mental dictionary, then nods. "Yeah, yeah, something like that. It'd be saying, 'Hey, me and Frase, we are officially a thing.'"

Something dims in Fraser's expression and, looking down at his hands, he says, "I see. And that would be unacceptable." It's not a question, just accepted fact, and Ray's insides twist at the tone in Fraser's voice.

"Yeah. No!" Ray presses the heel of his hand to his forehead, screwing his eyes shut. "I don't know! It's not like I've really thought about it, y'know?"

Except that's a total lie, because Ray _has_ thought about it, what it'd be like to tell everyone that him and Fraser are an item, that Ray has daydreams about getting old and fat with Fraser by his side, maybe living out their golden years in some shack up in North Tuktobumfuck. It's like the dreams he used to have about Stella and him, and that's the thing that scares him about the whole shebang, that he could fall in love with Fraser like he had fallen for Stella. That Fraser could make him weak like Stella had, and hurt him like she had.

He opens his eyes and Fraser is staring at him, eyes so wide and blue Ray feels like he's going under, and he realizes it's too late, already happened, that letter is signed, sealed, and delivered. His heart pounds double-time against his ribs, like it's going for the Guinness record of the world's fastest cha-cha, because, fuck, he can't go through that again, can't re-pick up the pieces of himself if Fraser decides to toss him off like Stella had.

Then Fraser smiles at him, just a small, kind of wistful smile, a smile that Ray never saw on Stella's face, not once, and it hits Ray that, no shit, Fraser's not Stella. Nothing like her and being with Fraser isn't going to destroy him, not by a longshot. He takes a deep breath and reaches out to grab Fraser by the back of the neck, pulling him closer.

Fraser resists, saying, "Ray, I'm not sure--" but Ray just pulls harder and kisses him, putting everything into the kiss, hoping that somehow it penetrates Fraser's thick skull and Ray won't have to mess it up trying to explain with words.

It must work because Fraser just nods when Ray pulls away and says, " _I'm_ sure," and leads Fraser to the bedroom.

andthentheyhadsextheend.


End file.
